ANNA

Odler Robert Jeanlouie, MD

It was atrocious what they did to her breasts. They were probed,

manipulated, divided, pulled, crossed, pushed, turned inside out...

They were splashed on a cold piece of metal and abundantly

machine-gunned by dangerously looking lights. If this was what

mammogram consisted in, she did not want it. No more!

Anna is quite a character. She is 76. She was taken to the center,

about three years ago, by her daughter. For years, she was

complaining of a gas in the back of her left shoulder. That gas,

believe it, would not go away.

The above non-identified gas allegedly caused her arthritis, by

traveling down to her knees and elbows. It also caused her nightly

stomach burning, her high blood pressure, her headaches, her

decreased vision, her mood swings. It was as well responsible of

the car accident she was involved in as a passenger. What a gas!

In order to, scientifically, prove its existence, she would extend

her arm horizontally, massage her left shoulder and let out of her

mouth an enormous amount of hot air accompanied by a characteristic

sound. "You see, I am telling you. Do you believe me now?"

She refuses to take any medications, indicating that she was not

aware of her arrival on earth, it was of no concern to her when she

would leave. And when the argumentation becomes too sophisticated,

she chuckles and explains to the 'faculty' that they are complete

ignorant, perfectly unqualified to teach her what to do...

At one visit, she was advised to have a Pap smear done. She was

excited to learn the test was about testing her for cancer of the

uterus. She inquired on how exactly the exam is performed. The

answer provoked an earthquake. What? Who, in the world, they

think she was? What would make anyone think she would accept to

place herself in such an undignified posture? She was no longer a

teen-ager having babies! Quickly, everyone retreated. It was only,

a joke... Oh, no! Only a joke.

Around November of last year, she was offered to be immunized against

influenza, the ritual flu shot. She laughed so hard, that everyone

thought she was having a seizure. They expected an 'oldette', a

'grandette' like her to get vaccines! What kind of doctor would come

up with stupidities like this? As far as she remembered, vaccines

were made for babies! She, Anna, was born around the time when

small cucumbers were still fighting eggplants. Which probably meant

long, long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away...

She came back to the office today. Two months late for her

appointment. She claimed she had good reasons for not being at the

scheduled visit. Everyone was curious to know her excuse for not

seeing her doctor. When pressed to give an answer, Anna explained

she was sick, she does not go to doctors when she is sick...

(Odler Robert Jeanlouie, Tuesday, June 8, 1999.)